Many a times, devotees wonder what questions to ask their prospective spouses before concluding a decision. In the previous ages, the parents took a lot of interest to find the spouse for their children and it worked well. However, in these days of fast life, parents don't understand their children well. And hence the choice that they make seem to not work. HG Vidvan Gauranga prabhu from Mayapur had compiled a list of questions that can be used for discussions and can be one of the basis for deciding a spouse. This is not a laundary list of every possible question that can be discussed. However, it does give one ample options to check on the intellectual match of the prospective spouse and also prepare accordingly.

Prepare a checklist of (a) minimum requirements, (b) additional preferences. Then look for the boy/girl.
Don't judge a boy/girl by how he/she behaves in front of women/men, or in the temple, or during train journeys, or in house programs.

There are several aspects that need to be considered before deciding
(1) material maturity
(2) maturity in KC
(3) age
(4) language
(5) fundamental compatibility
(6) can you relate to his/her personality?
(7)...more

Choosing a Partner

Hearing from Srila Prabhupada:

The fulfilment of desires, therefore, should be entrusted to the Supreme Personality of Godhead; that is the nicest solution. Kardama Muni desired only a wife, but because he was a devotee of the Lord, the Lord selected a wife for him who was the Emperor's daughter, a princess. Thus Kardama Muni got a wife beyond his expectation. If we depend on the choice of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, we will receive benedictions in greater opulence than we desire.

SB.3.21.28

Formerly, boys and girls of similar dispositions were married; the similar natures of the boy and girl were united in order to make them happy. Not more than twenty-five years ago, and perhaps it is still current, parents in India used to consult the horoscope of the boy and girl to see whether there would be factual union in their psychological conditions. These considerations are very important. Nowadays marriage takes place without such consultation, and therefore, soon after the marriage, there is divorce and separation.

SB.3.21.15

Taking into consideration the physical beauty of the person.

Tamala Krishna: It was suggested that she get married and because of his body she said no... the only reason she said no, was because of a material reason....more

Great Expectations

Marriage Expectations

Today there is still much debate over the role of the man and the woman. For example, if a young man from a more traditional family approaches marriage with the implicit expectation ”I’m the breadwinner, and you take care of the kids,” he may be in for a rude awakening. It’s evident that young and old couples alike are struggling with conflicting role expectations. Many women are unfulfilled without a professional career outside the home - a phenomenon fuelled by a society that doesn’t provide much appreciation, validation, and reinforcement for women as homemakers. Since modern society doesn’t value traditional roles and the extended family, we are therefore forced to adjust our expectations.

Many of the problems people face in marriage rise out of conflicting role expectations or script conflicts. For instance, the husband may think it’s the wife’s role take care of the garden - his mother did. And the wife may think that it is her husband’s role, since her father did. A small problem becomes a large one because conflicting scripts compound every problem and magnify every difference. Study your own marriage and family problems to see if they, too, are not rooted in conflicting role expectations and compounded by conflicting scripts.

Expectations of Spouse - Misunderstanding of Scripts

Many marriage problems rise...more

Living a Balanced Life in Krishna Consciousness

Let’s first try to understand what is meant by Living a balanced life in Krishna consciousness:

Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur states in Sri Caitanya Siksamrita that four items cannot be neglected by any devotee who has not yet reached the platform of Paramahamsa. He points out the need to adopt a gradual process of spiritual growth and personal development.

1. He must maintain the body properly.
2. There has to be the proper stimulus for the mind so that the mind is satisfied.
3. There has to be social well-being.
4. There has to be study of scripture for upliftment.

All four points must be there in a well-balanced individual!

Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur taught us by the example of his own life. As the District Magistrate of Jaganatha Puri he was responsible to oversee the running of the Temple along with hearing many cases daily in the magistrate’s court. He managed to accomplish all this with stop-watch proficiency; still finding time to write all of his devotional works and raise a family of thirteen children- which included his son Srila Bhaktisidhanta Saraswati Prabhupada.

We have many roles to play - they all contribute towards a balanced life

We each have a number of different roles in our lives-...more

Ideal Husbands, Ideal Wives

One of the biggest challenges we face today, is how to overcome the lack of trust in our relationships (In this course we are dedicated to explore how we can improve these relationships.)

The present reality for many women is that they have experienced exploitation and or abuse from men on some level or another. Unless the husband is dedicated to improving his character and behaviour through the process of Krishna consciousness, he is sure to succumb to the exploiting mentality in his relationship with his unfortunate wife.

On the other hand if the wife is not fixed in her desire for spiritual upliftment and in the understanding of her need to faithfully serve a deserving husband, she will also fall prey to the exploiting mentality; competing with her husband, in the race for personal sense gratification.

Men and women both must endevour to improve their individual character, develop meaningful relationships and ultimately increase their Krishna consciousness.

The ideal Vedic role models should be our aim; but we must work together realistically to adjust to modern demands. Lasting relationships will grow only on the basis of loving trust and open communication.

Duties of a Faithful Husband

One who accepts a wife must be a faithful husband and give her full protection... One who strictly...more